hansel429istheboss and gretelheartsyou
by castielitea
Summary: A fractured version of Hansel and Gretel. For a school assignment, but very fun to write.


**Apocalypse1718 published hers. So I'm going to publish mine.**

Mother was cooking and humming when she realized that that was the only sound in the house. She stopped. "Where are those kids? They usually know when lunch is ready," she said to herself. Then she remembered that the new iPad had just come out. And that it was May. Which meant there were many season finales to blog about.

"Hansel! Gretel! Lunch is ready!" she called as she set out the plates on the table. There wasn't any answer.

Mother went to knock on Gretel's door before opening it. "Gretel? Didn't you hear me? Lunch is ready."

Gretel looked up from her laptop, which was turned away from the door. "What? Oh, uh, five minutes."

"What are you looking at?"

"Hm?" Gretel said innocently. She swiftly clicked a few things. "Oh, just, uh, Google." She flipped the laptop around and showed her mother a blank Google search page.

Mother sighed and went to Hansel's room. He was on his bed, tapping at his new iPad. "Lunchtime."

"Oh, yeah, just a moment."

"All right, then."

She went back to the kitchen and covered up the food to keep it warm. Then she sat down and waited. And waited. She called her children's names again but there wasn't any response. When she decided to check on them, she found they were in the exact same position as she'd left them half an hour ago. "Okay, that is enough!" she snapped, snatching Gretel's computer away from her. "You have been going on that thing for far too long!" She went next door and took Hansel's iPad, despite him saying he was about to reach a high score.

"You two," Mother said, jabbing fingers with her free hand, "are going to go outside without _these_. Children your age should be getting _sunlight_, not whatever those devices give off. Come back when you've spent enough time breathing fresh air. Now go eat." She then rushed off to her room. She hated getting mad at her children, but she couldn't let _them_ know that.

Gretel started sobbing. "Now it's all over for me! My Tumblr fame depends on me reblogging things constantly! All twenty-eight of my followers are going to unfollow me!"

"It's alright, Gretel," Hansel said reassuringly. "I'll figure something out."

Before their mother could come back, Hansel crept into his and his sister's room and took their smartphones from their respective rooms. After Mother shooed them out of the small house Hansel handed Gretel her iPhone. She opened the Tumblr app and started scrolling through her dashboard, occasionally laughing at a funny text post. Hansel took out his own iPhone and resumed his Clash of Clans raid that he'd started earlier that day.

When dinner was ready, Mother was glad yet surprised when she realized that her children were still outside. She had thought that they have come begging to be let in already but she hadn't heard a noise from them. _They must enjoy the woods,_ she thought. But then she walked out and found her kids with their eyes pinned to tiny Apple-product screens.

"The _point _of sending you out here was to get you _away_ from those things!" she scolded. But in the hours by herself the guilt had covered up most of her anger. They had, technically, spent a few hours outside. That was the deal and so they should technically get their computers back. "This behavior can't continue on, alright?" she said patiently. Both her children nodded. "Now go in and eat your dinner."

The next day, when she called Hansel and Gretel for lunch, she again received no reply. When she went to see what was the matter, she found that they were in the same position as they were yesterday, only Gretel had her headphones in. Some of the anger that hadn't been covered up by guilt surfaced again. "You two are going to spend time outside! Go downstairs, eat, and get out!" Mother said angrily, and forced them into the kitchen. She took the computer and iPad again, only this time she made sure that both the phones were also in her pocket before retreating to her own room.

At the dining table, Gretel began weeping. "Now it's all over for me! I can't watch the finale of Supernatural! HOW WILL I AVOID THE SPOILERS LATER? HOW WILL I TALK ABOUT MY FEELS WITH THE OTHERS?"

"It's alright, Gretel," Hansel said reassuringly. "I'll figure something out." He tiptoed through the doorway into the living room and took the remote from the coffee table.

When the front door shut behind them, Hansel and Gretel moved to the living room window and silently propped open the window. From his pocket Hansel pulled out the television remote and opened the TV, muted it, and flipped to the right channel. They turned the subtitles on and began watching, Gretel singing along to the opening theme.

Mother finished preparing dinner, and seeing that her children had not come begging to be let in yet, decided to go outside and call them in. She knew she'd taken all the little gadgets that they could be playing on, but after yesterday's experience, she decided to check instead of just screaming their names. She found them with their faces pressed side by side in the window, following a TV marathon closely.

"AGAIN? What is with you two?! How much TV have you watched?" she yelled. "Why can't you just play? Have fun outside? Breathe _actual_ air!" she continued. Yet the hours by herself made the guilt cover up the rage, even some of the new anger that had been generated that morning. So she just sighed and said, again, "You need to stop. This behavior can't go on, alright?" The children nodded and went in.

The next day, when Mother called her children for lunch, she still received no indication that they'd heard her. Therefore, she was not surprised when she found that they were in the same position as they were yesterday and the day before, except Hansel was not playing Clash of Clans, but was actually playing Dragonvale.

"My goodness!" she exclaimed. "What do I have to do to make you stop? You two are going to get _away_ from your screens!"

Hansel and Gretel expected her to take away their electronics, but Mother only stomped away. "So can we stay here?" Gretel asked timidly.

But soon after Mother came back in, screeching, "Out! Out!"

When they were outside, Gretel took out her phone and shrugged. "She must've forgotten or something." Then she opened her Tumblr app and screamed.

"What's wrong?!" Hansel said urgently.

"THERE IS NO WIFI. MOTHER TURNED THE WIFI OFF. WHY MUST SHE HURT ME IN THIS WAY?!" Gretel ran a whole lap around the house, waving her phone in the air. She banged on the door but it was locked. She could only return to where Hansel was waiting. "Try calling her. Mother can't ignore the phone."

Hansel opened his own iPhone and then blinked in surprise. "There's no signal. Mother must've disconnected our phones from the service."

"No!" Gretel screamed but she drew it out more so it lasted closer to a minute. She went back to her Tumblr dashboard but because there was no Wi-Fi and so half the pictures wouldn't load and the GIFs were frozen.

"Whoa, relax. There are plenty of things you can do _without_ Wi-Fi," Hansel said soothingly. He went back onto his phone. Clash of Clans and Dragonvale required Wi-Fi so he settled for a game of Temple Run.

"Wow, easy for _you_ to say. I don't have any games." The coins on Hansel's game had just begun to turn blue so he ignored her. "Fine! Be that way!" she seethed. "I hope your battery runs out!"

Hansel's iPhone's battery did indeed run out a little over fifteen minutes later as he hadn't charged his phone since that morning. When he'd finally beaten his high score a second time and was about to start for the third, the screen blacked out and he sighed. Only then did he look up to find that his sister had disappeared.

"Oh, no. She must've tried to go to the nearby town," Hansel concluded to himself. "That's what people always do in RPGs." Sadly, he wasn't sure where the nearest town was and he doubted Gretel did either. Most likely she'd just gotten lost in the surrounding forest. _Well now I'll never find her_, he thought miserably. But then he saw the first sign.

"CONGRATULATIONS," it read, "YOU ARE THE ONE THOUSANDTH PERSON TO READ THIS SIGN. CONTINUE ON TO WIN YOUR FREE IPAD."

Even without the caps lock, it would've caught his attention. _Wow, a free iPad_, he thought. _I could play multiple games at the same time_. He started towards it eagerly, but as soon as he walked to it, he saw another white sign ahead.

"ATTENTION, INTERNET USERS" this one said. "WALK ON AND GAIN 100+ FOLLOWERS EVERY HOUR."

Hansel didn't care much for blogging or any social networking sites but Gretel certainly did and he decided that if he was to find her, he'd have to think like her. So he followed the signs and sooner or later he came upon Gretel. She was reading one of those bright white signs, and as Hansel got closer, he realized it said, "PROCEED FORWARD AND YOU CAN FIND OUT WHO UNFOLLOWED YOU."

When Gretel saw Hansel she said, "Do you think I need this? Because I want followers, and some of those blog themes that were displayed looked pretty cool, but you can get Google Chrome extensions that tell you who unfollowed you. So I don't really need to have this, right?"

But something else had caught Hansel's eye. "Hey, look!" He pointed at a building not far from where they were standing. There was a large post above the door in bold letters. "'Free chargers, free phone service, free Wi-Fi,'" Hansel read. "C'mon, let's go!"

They walked over and Hansel plugged his iPhone into one of the open chargers that was just hanging out of the side of the house. The Apple logo immediately appeared on his screen. Gretel held up her phone and said delightedly, "Wow, there's Wi-Fi! And it doesn't require a password!" She did a quick victory dance before joining the network.

A moment later a young woman opened the door, peered at them, and said "What are you children doing here? Where are your parents?"

"Oh, our dad works in town. Our mom's at home," Hansel answered absentmindedly.

"Well don't just sit here! Come inside! You know, those signs weren't lying."

Both children perked up at this and followed the nice lady into the house. The inside was also white, with two couches and a coffee table at the center. A desk right next to the door had a huge Macbook and a stack of iPads. Seeing Hansel staring at the Mac, she said "That's mine. But here's your iPad, as promised." She took one from the stack and placed it in his hands before having both the children sit down. "Now all you have to do is enter your Apple account information and you're set."

Hansel typed in his email and password, unaware that the lady was watching him closely. When he pressed 'Sign In' the lady quickly took back the iPad, cackling, "Aha! Now I have your Apple password and therefore all your credit card information!"

"What? No, give it back!" Hansel cried, reaching for the iPad.

The lady jumped back, still sneering. "Never! Do you know how difficult it is to get children to come to your house these days? You little brats used to be satisfied with a house made out of candy but _now_, you have to have the 'latest gadgets' and 'high-speed internet'. You know what? THOSE THINGS COST MONEY. Luckily enough, usually one credit card is enough to last me a while. So thanks. And now, I am going to eat you."

"Nope," Gretel said. She was at the lady's Mac, typing in a URL in Safari. She reached the illegal TV and movie streaming site quickly due to how strong the Internet connection was and clicked the first sketchy pop-up ad that appeared.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" the lady screeched. "ALL OF MY FILES ARE ON THERE!"

Hansel grabbed the iPad back as spam messages began appearing on the lady's computer. He and Gretel bolted for the door while the lady screamed, desperately clicking at her frozen screen. Once they were outside they ran behind the first tree they saw. The lady had not appeared, though. "I should've taken another iPad," Hansel said.

"Aw, there's no Wi-Fi now. How're we going to get back ?" Gretel asked, holding up her phone. The sun had set and they couldn't remember which direction they'd come from.

"The signs!" Hansel exclaimed, pointing at the nearest one.

The white paint stood out in the dark, reflecting light from the moon. Hansel and Gretel could make out a trail of white signs growing smaller and smaller throughout the forest. They began following it until finally, they saw the familiar brown cabin. Their mother had not mysteriously died in the few hours that they were gone and was extremely happy to see them safely return. When they entered, Hansel and Gretel had a joyful reunion with Mother that was full of hugs and exclamation marks. Then they lived happily ever after.


End file.
